+ + + [ random INDAY JOKES ] + + +
Baket nag-iingles
si Inday
Amo:
Inday ba’t ba ang hilig mong mag-ingles?
Inday: Its
not that I’m trying to compete with professionals and I’m totally not avoiding
speaking in the vernacular. It’s just that circumstances necessitated me to
speak in English because I won’t fully accomplish my job without doing so.
Amo:
Ahhh…
P500 - globe plan
subscription
P1800 - glutathione tablet
P600 - olay total effects
P1500 - crocs / havaianas
P2000 - for mama
BELO
Amo 1: Inday ano gamit mo sa katawan? Ang kinis
mo kasi eh.
Amo 2: Siguro
gumagamit ka ng papaya…
Ama 1: Baka
naman kalamansi?
Inday: NO! ….
ONLY BELO TOUCHES MY SKIN, WHO TOUCHES YOURS?
Amo 1 and 2:
LUPET MO INDAY!!!
Introduction
ni Dodong
I’m
not extremely good looking but I have a sense of humor. I’m not breath takingly
intelligent but I’m relatively witty. I’m not insanely rich but I’m fairly
kind. I’m just a simple guy with a crazy elusive ambition of meeting your
acquaintance so, hi.
-Dodong
Outing
“Don’t
limit my capacity to the four corners of this luxurious abode. Expose me to the
real challenges of the outside world. I want to grow as an individual with
dynamic experiences.”
-
Inday, nagrereklamo kasi ayaw siya isama ng amo sa outing sa Enchanted Kingdom.
Sosyal na Day-off
“I
have been to the Fort. Visited a friend of mine in her condo at Serendra.
Anyway, I bought some desserts from Xocolat for all of you. “
-
Explain ni Inday kung saan siya nag-day off while wearing her new dress from
Zara.
Steamy Love
Session over the Phone
“I was just reminiscing about last night; it
was so perfect.
The subtle breeze made me shiver from time to time.
You’re so passionate and intense. When you start to speak , I am simply bawled
over by your eloquence.
I am so glad we were able to talk outside.”
-
Inday habang kausap si Dodong sa phone.
Christian Bautista
“Success
is often the result of taking a misstep in the right direction.
Show me a person who has never made a mistake and I’ll show you somebody who
has never achieved much.”
-
comment ni Inday sa pagkakamali ni Christian Bautista sa pagkanta ng Lupang
Hinirang!
Hurt
“I
wouldn’t go down that road again. I wouldn’t think about the love-who-was-gone
or the life that was snatched away from me, excised as cleanly and completely
as a tumor, leaving not even a scar for me to cherish, to remember it by.”
-
nag-eemote si Inday dahil nagtanan si dodong at ederlyn.
Sa Resto
WAITER: Ano
po order nila, maam?
AMO: Yung
fried chicken meal na lang. Ikaw Inday, ano sayo?
INDAY: I
would like to partake of a dish of sauteed pork and chicken, boiled in thick
essence of soy and cane extracts, with copious amounts of garlic, onion and
laurel, sprinkled generously with fine spices and served with a generous
helping of root crop and a helping of rice.
AMO: Iho,
pa-order daw ng adobo with rice.
Student Fare
JEEPNEY DRIVER: Hoy! Bakit sais lang ang binayad mo?!
Syete na ang pamasahe ngayon!
INDAY: I am
currently enrolled in a 2-year vocational course in an academic institution.
Therefore, I am a student and, by this fact, I am entitled to have the
inalienable right to avail of a certain discount on my jeepney fare. This is
why I provided a payment less than what you expected because that is according
to the law, as stated in the fare matrix.
JEEPNEY DRIVER:
ahh…
Holdap
“I
pity you for you have degraded your very own pride & dignity by resorting
to this despicable behavior just for wealth. And I hope that one day you’ll
realize that you should not use humans as means of your ends. As what the great
philosopher Kant uttered, “Treat a man as an end in himself!”
-
sagot ni Inday sa holdaper na nangholdap sa kanya.
“Shut
up, coz if you don’t, the bullet in this gun will rest upon your empty head!”
-
sagot ng holdaper. (ang sosyal na talaga nila!)
Namalengke sa Espanya
“Puede
usted bajar el precio parci mi? Soy ya su comprador avido diario. Por favor?”
-
si Inday tumatawad sa palengke nang sinama siya ng amo sa Espanya.
Pick-up line
ni Dodong
There
are tulips in the street, there are tulips in the park, but nothing compares to
our two lips meeting in the dark.
-
pamatay lines ni Dodong kay Inday.
Rejected ulit
si Dodong
“Its
not that I don’t like you, its just that I feel we are still too young to
entertain thoughts of fornication in the domicile of our employers. In fact its
very immature to insuate that I didn’t reciprocate your emotions just because I
decline to perform an act of coitus with you”
-
Inday nirereject si Dodong na makipag-sex. Sosyal na talaga si Inday. Grabe!!
Review ng “A
Love Story”
It
does not matter if you are the wife, or you’re the mistress. What matters is
you showed your love, you experienced the joys and pain in loving. Coz from
there, you’ll learn… that loving is not always easy.
-
movie review ni Inday sa “A Love Story”! Bongga!
Love letter ni
Dodong kay Inday
“For
it wasn’t into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It wasn’t my lips you kissed,
but my soul. May these words hold true for our romance…”
-
Love letter ni Dodong kay Inday. (Kala mo si Inday lang humihirit!)
Kangkong
“Ipomea
aquatica has become the constant ingredient to this Filipino delicacy which is
very helpful in the digestion during the peristaltic process of the food we
intake. Due to the continuous rains and floods, the harvest of the said
vegetable has lessen the production in the market.”
-
Banat ni Inday kung bakit walang “kangkong” sa nilutong sinigang.
Mantika
BloodY
hell! what the f*ck did just land on my cutie top! I mean I’ve spent all day
just to make myself look fabulous. I think I have to remove this eewie thing in
a whip wham of time!
-
reaction ni inday nung matalsikan siya ng mantika habang nagluluto ng tilapia.
hataw!
Tambay
Sad
animal facts:
1.) Ants never sleep
2.) Pigs raise their heads to look at the sky
3.) Butterflies only live for seven days
See you have 3 more reasons to be thankful for today. Being something always
has its ups and downs. Just remember, while you’re complaining about your
situation, someone could be wishing he/she were in your place.
-
Si Inday chinika ang mga istambay sa kanto habang napadaan para bumili ng
suka at toyo.
Comforter
Amo: Day,
paki-lipat ang comforter sa kwarto ko.
Inday:
Saan ko ilalagay koya?
Amo: Ipatong
mo sa kama maya-maya.
Inday:
Dun na po, sinama ko na rin ang frenter at iskaner koya!
Visa
Consul: Why do you wanna go to US?
Amo: To
travel, to visit my friends, and fly the airplane?
Consul:
Denied! And you?
Inday: For life
is a never-ending pursuit of material and social satisfaction that I tender my
great intent of actualizing a trans-pacific journey to the land of milk and
honey. An affable sanctuary where dreams become reality and a perfect habitat
where souls like mine can reach the pedestal of freedom.
Consul:
LIFETIME MULTIPLE ENTRY VISA GRANTED!
Amo: [nosebleed]
FHM offer
“Morons!
I was never raised by my mom to be a coquette! I’m nurtured with such dignity,
respect, and morality! Even poverty can’t make me do such scandalous act.
Sexyness is from within. I don’t rely on aesthetic products and on skimpy
outfits. So pathetic!”
-
banat ni Inday matapos siyang aluking magpose sa FHM
Flash Report
FLASH REPORT: Inday is alive she’s not yet dead. SOCO
found out that, the impostora of Inday was killed. Ederlyn (Inday’s neighbor)
was the mastermind.
SOCO: Bakit
mo siya pinapatay?
Ederlyn: Kasi
inagaw niya sa akin si Dodong!
Inday:
Mythemaniac! He was never yours.
Ederlyn:
Dong, di ba mahal mo din ako?
Dodong: I
never…. said… that I loved you.
Christmas List
ni Inday
With
the upcoming holiday, I forecast travel plans to my hometown so that I may visit
my family. In line with this, may I request that my financial budget be
reviewed so that I may take a portion in advance? Justification as follows: for
the dual purpose of
(a) finalizing my flight booking
(b) bringing tokens of
appreciation to my parent, siblings, and cousins up to the third level of
consanguinity. - si Inday yan… bumabale para makapag bakasyon sa pamilya
1.
Fendi Handbag
2. Ba,enciaga sandals
3. Manolo Blanihk high heels
4. CHANNEL furr coat
5. Ipod Video 80 gig
6. Motorola Razor Dolce and
Gabbana edition
7. Sony Bravia Flat Screen Plasma
TV
8. Aquamarine Diamond Wristwatch
9. Louis Vuitton Travelling Bag
10. Obagi System Skin Care Line
11. Shiseido Cosmetics
12. One week vacation spree at
the Bahamas
-
wish list ni Inday for Christmas. Nakadikit sa refrigerator ng amo nya!
Silya
Misis:
Inday, bakit mo binenta yung sirang silya?
Inday:
I have computed the chair’s fair value less cost to sell, and the value in use
using projections for 5 years and a pre-tax discount rate. Accordingly, the
value in use is lower, so I decided to sell the chair. This in accordance with
PAS18 on Revenue, PAS16 on Property, Plant, and Equipment, and PAS36 on
Impairment of Assets!
Misis:
ADIK ka talaga Inday!
Day-off
“Physical
stress and excessive work may result to serious damage to one’s body. It is
therefore essential that once in a while we take a break from our usual routine
to replenish the lost energy we once had.”
-
Sabi ni Inday sa amo noong humingi siya ng dayoff.
Rashes ni Junior
“Allergens
triggered the immune response. Eosinophilic migration occurs to the reaction
site and release of chemotactic and anaphylotoxin including histamine and
prostaglandins. These substance results to increase circulation to the site
promoting redness.”
-
Sagot ni inday nun tanungin ni sir kung bakit may rashes si Junior.
Sunog ang sinaing
Amo:
Inday ba’t nasunog ang kanin?
Inday:
“Heavy fire that exerted by the stimulus affect the best conductor of heat
which is the steel, causing the “oriza sativa” which is the scientific name of
rice to change its state of color, smell as well as the taste.”
Amo: In
other words you didn’t apply your knowledge about heat conductors & left
the rice to burn! Kala mo mapapa-nosebleed mo ko noh? Ga-study na ko. Bring it
on. Beyotch!
…shocked
si Inday…
Inalok
ni Dodong si Inday ng french fries nung nag-date sila..
Inday:
Potatoes, when consumed in their raw state, are rapidly converted to glucose
that raises insulin levels because of its simple sugar.. When cooked in high
temperatures like french fries, they produce large amount of free radicals in
the body causing aging, clotting, inflammation, cancer, weight gain.. 1 french
fry is worse than 1 cigarette.
Dodong:
[nahulog ang fries]
Confrontation
nila Ederlyn at Inday
Ederlyn:
Ikaw ba ang Inday na sinasabi nila? At sino ka para itulad sa akin ang iyong
kasikatan ngayong ako’y nananahimik na? wala kang karapatan para pantayan ako!
Hayop ka!
Inday:
My apologies, but the fact is, your glory days are over my friend. I find it
somewhat ridiculous, your persistence on persuading people to come to your
party that never existed is beginning to get into my nerves! Damn u Ederlyn! No
one undermines my intellect.. bitch… *evil
laugh*
Mas
maganda pa din ako sa iyo. Katulong ka lang!
- reaksyon ni Ederlyn
“How
dare you insinuate that i can tolerate such a diabolical insult from a mere
scrap such as you! Which if you further insist then I will be forced to pulverize
you!”
- Inday, nakikipagsagutan kay
Ederlyn.
Please pray for the quick
recovery of Inday. She’s currently in the ICU because of excessive nose
bleeding, which she had while accompanying Junior in his school’s Linggo Ng
Wika Celebration. Please pass this to all whose lives, like mine, have been
touched by Inday. Please pray for the quick recovery of Inday.
Amo:
Mula ngayon, walang magsasalita ng Ingles. Ang sinumang magpadugo ng ilong ko
at sa mga anak ko, palalayasin sa pamamahay na’to! Klaro ba?
Inday:
Ang mga namutawi sa inyong mga labi ay mataman ko pong iiimbak sa sulok ng
aking balintataw, sa kaibuturan ng aking puso, gugunamgunamin, aariing salik ng
aba at payak kong kabatiran. Tatalikudan ang matayog at palalong banyagang
wika, manapay kakalingain, bibigkasin at sakdal timyas na sasambitin ng aking
sangkalooban.
Amo:
Ay ambot!
Overnight inaral ng amo ang dictionry para
may pantapat sya kay Inday.
Amo:
So inday, tell me, how do you accept the fact that you are just a mere chambermaid
in this extravagant mansion?
Inday:
una camarera? Eres tan pathetic. La unica razon que inscribi tu casa es porque
nada esta sucediendo dentro de tu
casa cuasi-agradable. Quisiera traer una poca clase en este hogar pero
conjueturo que no puedo porque esta casa es fea.
Amo:
Demmet!
AMO: Leche,
forget about fishes, just buy some vegetables instead?
INDAY: Duh!
Can you be more specific? As far as I know, there are seven major group of
vegetables this season. Should I buy: leafy vegetables or legumes? would it be
the root crops or edible stem plants? crucifer or gourd family? Of course, I’ll
buy some allium for garnishing but judging your imbecility on the types of the
vegetables around, I suggest this family will be happy with ‘toh-geh’ and so it
will be.
“i
understand that sexual urge is most of the time uncontrollable since a lot of
factors contribute for it to be triggered..this is also the reason why some men
are found to be polygamous and engage themselves in sexual acts even with
someone who’s a total stranger to them..”
–sabi
ni Inday sa sarili nya pagkatapos syang gapangin ni kuya…
How
dare you to insinuate such intolerable act of abusing our nature from a mere
scrap of humanity such as
you. If you further insist, I’ll be forced to use my mental and physical
capabilities just to pulverize you!
Litanya
ni inday nung may nagtapon ng balat ng kendi sa tapat ng bhay ng amo nya..
Amo:
Inday, paki-abot nga ‘yung ketchup…
Inday:
While it can hardly be considered a health food, ketchup has been found to be a
beneficial source of lycopene, an antioxidant which fights some forms of
cancer. This is particularly true of the organic brands of ketchup. In fact,
organic brands were found to contain three times as much lycopene as
non-organic brands. Ketchup, much like marinara sauce and other cooked tomato
foods, yields higher levels of lycopene per serving because cooking makes
lycopene in tomatoes more bio-available.
Amo:
Gaga!
Inday:
Are you certain that you want to transfer me back to earth?
St. Peter: Oo!
Langya ka! Mano-nose bleed lang yung mga kaluluwa dito! Dun ka na uli magkalat
sa lupa!
Si
Rosing ang katulong ng kapitbahay…
“She
thinks she’s the only homosapien who can utter such euphonic and erudite
statements! She better think again!”
—
abangan…
Inday: Rosing,
I’m actually quite deliriously nonchalant to homo sapiens who are unlettered
and incompetently unable to traverse the models of my intellect. So, may I say
that you please stick to your corner since you’re incoherently disabled to even
contextualize a level headed fight with me? *inayos
ang buhok*
Rosing:
Di naka-reak, tinitigan nang masama ang amo ni Inday
Amo:
Nasindak
Ederlyn: Walang
hiya ka! Wala kang karapatang pantayan ako! Hayop ka! You’re nothing but a
second rate, trying hard, copycat!
Inday:
Excuse moi? Me, a copycat?! Your mockery is so lame and your attempt at English
is so predictable! Why don’t you open your eyes to the fact that your glory
days are over?! Your persistence to persuade people to come to a party that
does not exists is simply ridiculous and cheaply constructed! It’s beginning to
get to my nerves! You and your petty schemes! No one undermined Inday’s
intellect, you low life bitch!
Dear
Sir/Madam,
Attached
herewith is a list of proposed acquisition in line with my proposal to upgrade
your household facilities. I have already made an initial survey of current
market prices. Note, however, that prices could vary depending on the
prevailing exchange rate and aggregate supply and demand, which we also monitor
on an hourly basis.
Much
as I want to indulge in the proliferation of such indecent and malicious
information, I want to lift the stigma & alleviate the societies’
perception of our profession.
-
Inday tumatangging makipagtsismisan sa katulong ng kabilang bahay..
Nang
bumalik si Inday matapos mamalengke…
Amo:
Inday! Ba’t eto na lang natira sa pera ko?
Inday:
Higher stock index and the low flow of investments triggered the inflation of
the peso. Thus, your purchasing power is weak!
Amo:
[nosebleed]
Oh
dear! You’re talking nonsense and I know what you’re up to. You’re no good in
making up stories and all your excuses are so lame. You cannot make a fool out
of me. Get lost!”
-inday
kausap ang dugo-dugo gang sa phone
One
day Katrina Halili went to FHM to see if she is still the # 1. She picked a
magazine and read it. Afterwards, tinapon niya ang magazine sabay sigaw,
“Punyeta!!
Sino si Inday?”
Nanay:
Day, ba’t ba ang tigas-tigas ng ulo mo?
Inday:
Inay, intransigence is just normal for us juveniles.
Nanay:
Day, anong nakain mo? I’m perturbed by your words.
Inday: Nay,
ala namang gantihan…
“Stop that ruckus. You
menacing lads should be in slumber right now. One more hubbub from you and I’ll
send you off your domicile.”
We would like to invite you as we take our vows & affirm our special
promise to cherish each other with mutual love, respect & fidelity before
God & man as husband & wife on Saturday, 6 p.m at Sanctuario de San
Antonio, McKinley Road, Forbes Park, Makati. Reception will follow at the
Manila Peninsula Grand Ballroom. R.S.V.P. Attire: Formal ~“DODONG & EDERLYN
NUPTIAL”
Inday:
Damn you, Dodong!!! How could you!!! Arghhh…!!!
Amo:
Inday! ba’t umiiyak si junior?
Inday: The
nerve impulses from the stomach of the human body were
received by the brain. The brain interpreted that the digestive system
of the corresponding human is lacking substances to be burnt down by
its hydrochloric acid therefore sending neurons to the eyes making it
emit tears.
Conversations
ni Inday with Ricky Lo
She
is now becoming one of the fastest rising Internet stars today amassing a
number of followers all over the world mostly Filipinos . Already surpassing
Ederlyn, Yuga, the Numa Numa boy, the Chinese Backstreet Boys and even Casey
and her cam.
Inday
is getting a lot of popularity today mostly from word of mouth, SMS and
e-mails. Her witty comments regarding her life as a domestic helper has already
brought laughter and uncontrollable nosebleeds to us.
RL:
Inday, thank you for accepting this interview, how are you feeling right now?
Inday:
You might expect me to be flabbergasted or nervous with all the attention I’m
getting right now. Actually, I’m not. I know from that very first text message
that this is going to be inevitable. Even now the media is already interested
in my fame that they sent you to interview me thinking that you can comprehend
each and every word that I say.
RL: [nagpunas
ng ilong] Uhmm, ahh I
see… so with all your uhh academic credentials, what made you decide just to be
a domestic helper?
Inday:
Well, what do you expect me to be? A lawyer? A politician? A newscaster? Oh
come on, you’re all so predictable. Have you met a domestic helper that has a
medical degree, is a world-class culinary artist, has a degree in Business
Management, a certified public accountant and consistent Best in English for
four years in high school?
RL: Uhhm,
ahh I guess not.
Inday:
Well there you go. That’s what sets me apart and makes me unique from all the
rest and I guess it’s something that you just can’t fathom.
RL: [tuluyan
nang nag-nosebleed]
Inday:
I guess this is the end of this interview. I still have to prepare our evening
victuals and update my blog. Tatah! Hi
nga pala to my love, Dodong! I love you babes.
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